There is a local contest afoot in which votes are being solicited for the best decorated window in Franklin County, namely the Holiday Decorating Contest sponsored by The Chamber of Commerce. We were given a packet of entry forms, thereby giving us the opportunity to vote for ourselves or otherwise engage in ballot stuffing and other potentially unseemly forms of self voting. Now it is obvious that our holiday window, the astonishing creation of Melanie Taylor Coomb’s viewed above, is the best Holiday Window within a 1,000 mile radius, but what about the finer points of politicking and vote gathering to ensure that justice is served, while not abusing justice in the process?!
To get at the heart of this dilemma, I decided to interview an expert in the field, my own conscience.
Kenny: All right, so I’m going to start out by throwing out a few vote gathering ideas and have you assess whether they are ethical or not, just to make sure your credentials are in order.
Brechner Conscience: Sounds good. Fire away
Kenny: What do you think of filling in ballots using the names of famous dead artists, people like Frank Lloyd Wright, Georgia O’Keeffe, or Claude Monet, people whose opinions would be of great value.
Brechner Conscience: I think that’s a fantastic idea.
Kenny: I see. Okay what about having staff fill in votes from themselves and everyone of their friends and family they can think of.
Brechner Conscience: Hey, why not.
Kenny: Hmmm. Is there any kind of voting fraud that you would find objectionable?
Brechner Conscience: No. I agree with Koestler that “Politics can be relatively fair in the breathing spaces of history; at its critical turning points there is no other rule possible than the old one, that the end justifies the means.” Making sure Melanie’s creation wins this award is clearly a turning point in history.
Kenny: Are your really my conscience?
Unknown Deceitful Entity: No.
Kenny: Well I suppose that all I can do at this point is hope that people stop by the store and appreciate Melanie’s sublime window as a work of art.
Unknown Deceitful Entity: Suit yourself I’ve got more interviews to attend to, bwahahaha.
Very cute, Kenny! And your windows look great!
Thanks Joanie. We look forward to seeing you at the store to fill out a ballot and help thereby to illicitly catapult Melanie towards the honor she so fairly deserves!
Perhaps outgoing GOP leader Charlie Webster can oversee the contest, what with his vast knowledge of ballot tampering, voter fraud, alien visitors, Bigfoot and whatnot.