One of the greatest barriers to leaving a relationship for those experiencing abuse is the lack of a support system. Often, by the time someone decides they are ready to leave an abusive relationship, they have been isolated and alienated from friends, family, perhaps even forced or pressured into leaving school, or a job, or both. For people in this situation, organizations like Safe Voices are here to help them connect with resources and rebuild a network of support – but the work of an advocate, while important, can’t replace the personal connections that can give a survivor a sense of belonging and community.
So what are the best ways to support someone who is experiencing domestic violence and keep them connected to their community? First, it’s important to keep in mind that acting in a support role means maintaining appropriate boundaries – we all need time to recharge and take care of ourselves. It’s also important to have clear boundaries around personal safety – something that should never be compromised. It’s also good to remember that providing support means withholding judgment. From the outside, it’s impossible for someone to know the true picture of what a victim of abuse is facing. Questions like, “Why don’t you leave?” might seem logical from the perspective of concerned friend or family member, but don’t take into account the reality of the fear, lack of resources, and complicated legal system a victim of intimate partner violence or family violence must contend with on every step of their journey.
So what can we do to support victims and survivors of abuse? We can listen to them, and believe their stories. We can offer support, and resources, with the understanding that they will be there when that person is ready, and not on someone else’s timeline. We can tell someone that we care, and that they deserve to be safe, respected, and happy – a message that so many people need to hear.
As a community, we can also show support to victims and survivors of domestic violence. We can work to foster a culture that does not tolerate abuse. We can build and maintain resources that help those leaving abusive situations or rebuilding their lives after abuse. We can advocate for laws and policies that protect our vulnerable members of society and create a safer, healthier community for everyone.
If you are looking for specific ways to show support for those who have or are experiencing abuse, you can participate in some or all of Safe Voices’ Domestic Violence Awareness Month activities this October. Safe Voices will be holding our annual Domestic Violence Memorial Vigil on Monday, Oct. 2, at the French Falls Recreation Area in Jay. The vigil will start at 6 p.m., and is open to all community members. There will be a speak-out at the vigil where community members can share their experiences or offer messages of support to survivors and loved ones.
In addition to the vigil, look for Safe Voices at community events throughout the month. Oct. 14 is Health Cares about DV day, where those in the healthcare field can show their support, and October 19th is Wear Purple Day! If you have any questions, or would like to participate in the vigil or another DVAM activity, please contact Hillary Hooke at 778-6297 or hhooke@safevoices.org.
