Republican Gov. Paul LePage today announced that he’d issued a warning to Maine’s libraries to immediately remove all books by Stephen King from their collections, or face the loss of public funding. LePage said he was taking this action because King contributed to liberal candidates and causes, and his writing featured “bloodthirsty vampires, illegal space aliens and evil clowns – three groups that have always been mainstays of the Democratic Party.”
LePage added that using taxpayer dollars to purchase King’s works amounted to “corruption of the vilest sort, a bald-faced attempt to indoctrinate our youth into believing in the supernatural and other failed policies that have kept Maine from achieving its economic potential.”
The governor had previously made the false claim that the famous horror writer, who has a home in Bangor, didn’t pay income taxes in Maine. Reminded of that comment, LePage said, “Even if King does pay taxes here, it’s not enough to cover what his books cost. If I could force him to leave the state – and I’ve asked the State Police to look into that – I’d do it in a heartbeat. Anyway, once I eliminate the income tax, what I said will be true.”
LePage recently used his power over discretionary educational funds to force the Good Will-Hinckley school in Fairfield to fire Democratic Speaker of the House Mark Eves as its president because Eves voted against charter schools (and most of the rest of the governor’s agenda). Now, he said he was examining other cases in which taxpayer dollars may have been spent to further ideologies with which he disagrees.
As an example, he cited motion pictures, many of which are produced using tax credits from the states where they’re filmed. “In the movie ‘Jurassic World,’ the dinosaurs crush what appears to be a charter school, while carefully avoiding stepping on a bunch of welfare recipients, many of whom were probably gaming the system,” LePage said. “This form of left-wing propaganda won’t be tolerated in Maine theaters that want to keep their licenses.”
The governor did concede that not all his efforts to purge the state of his political foes have been successful. Since the Maine Turnpike is supported by tolls rather than tax dollars, there was no way he could keep the Lewiston legislative delegation – which LePage had previously suggested be rounded up and executed – from using the pike to travel to Augusta. “But if they set foot on Interstate 295,” he said, “I might be able to put that plan into effect.”
Asked by reporters if his actions could be seen as dictatorial, LePage denied it. “Dictators get things done,” he said. “I haven’t been able to accomplish anything since I got in office because the Legislature and the courts keep getting in my way. If I was a dictator, those people would have been arrested and sent to re-education camps.
“I’ll have to see if the new president of Good Will-Hinckley is interested in starting one of those.”
A spokes-underling for LePage later clarified his remarks. “The Exalted Ruler was merely exercising his supremely clever sense of humor,” the minion said. “Those who chose not to laugh have been observed on hidden cameras and will be dealt with in an appropriate fashion.”
A coalition of LePage’s critics immediately condemned his efforts to suppress dissent. Attorney General Janet Mills, Portland Mayor Michael Brennan, the Maine People’s Alliance and the Official Stephen King Fan Club issued a joint statement calling his actions an “abuse of power.” Or something like that. Nobody actually read the thing. Too boring.
In the wake of this latest round of gubernatorially inspired chaos, a poll commissioned by the National Association of Poll Commissioners found that LePage’s unprecedented actions hadn’t damaged his standing among his core supporters. Forty-seven percent of respondents approved of the governor’s performance, about the same percentage that voted for him in the last election. As one pro-LePage voter told a pollster, “I never read Stephen King, anyway. Too many big words.”
Buoyed by that news, the governor announced he was ready to take action against the city of Portland for defying him by continuing to provide general assistance payments to immigrants applying for asylum. “If they like asylum seekers so much,” said LePage, “they can join them. I’m signing an order today expelling Portland from the state. Those liberal big-spenders can ask Massachusetts for assistance. Or how about Russia.
“After dealing with me, negotiating with Vladimir Putin should be a breeze.”
If you think this column is weirder than the truth, think again. Then, email me at aldiamon@herniahill.net.
This would be far funnier if it wasn’t perilously close to the truth.
Can’t believe you got away with printing those quotations as if they were fact. I know you have a right to your opinion, but I think your comments were out of line.
He is starting to sound like a dictador to me more and more ,i hope he isfound guilty by the investigation and then tried by janet mills for his wrong doings .
Al, you just made the case for outlawing medical marijuana….
Or maybe we don’t publish certain stuff….
Ahhh! How’s it feel boys @ Maineboy, @ JR Holt, @Adam- to see your governor, the one you thought would be the savior of the state of Maine- to show to all, beyond a doubt, that he is the worst governor in state history and is in the running to be the worst in US history?
I never said he would be the savior of our state. I just think the article as it written, states things as if the were actually said instead of someone trying to be funny. LePage says enough things that are “politically incorrect” without someone putting words in his mouth. I don’t agree with everything our governor says and does, however I think his frustration with the liberal ways of our state are understandable. We are all going to have to wake up and realize our out of control spending and everyone expecting a free ride is going to have to be stop or we will find ourselves in the same disgraceful mess Grease is in. Tough Love. He is not the worst governor he is just not a politician.
Sounds like snowman is afraid he/she/it may have to work for a living. Wouldn’t life be grand with NO welfare abusers. The Gov. doesn’t have to be a savior. Just stop welfare to all the people in basements. If anyone cared to notice, the Gov. was the best thing since apple pie, until he wants to mess with welfare checks!
Franklin County gets back from the federal and state government more than it has ever put in. It’s not me sucking on the welfare tit, is all of you.
It’s not welfare that’s keeping this state poor, it’s the lack of anyone willing to invest in it, including the people who live here. All you want to do is close the schools, roll up the sidewalks, turn out the lights and wait until death overtakes all.
At any rate, what I was referencing was not Al’s piece above but LePage’s ineptitude at governing, leading and understanding the laws of state government. Your governor blew it big time for you guys who wanted to throw the asylum seekers out. Looks like all you got out of this session was the right to carry your guns in your pants, instead of outside them in a holster where, BTW, it has not only a deterrent effect but makes getting to it in a hurry easier.
Everyone, Republicans & Democrats- all are laughing at this clown all over the country and laughing at those who elected him.
Al, you forgot to call him a bully.
Also, is there any way you could include some kind of unflattering picture of ‘The Bully’ along with your fine writing next time? All the other big newspapers in the state usually have something of him with his mouth open or something like that when they talk about him.
We need to be both told *and* shown what a buffoon this man is, we wouldn’t know what to think (or say to others) about him without your work, and the work of the other newspapers in the state.
Thanks again!
Give Al a break, he’s trying to get noticed by MSDNC.
I see nothing wrong with Stephen Kings books and he and his wife donate a lot of money to the libraries and schools. Governor Lepage is an idiot and has no right to cut funding to libraries or anything just because he does not like them.Who the hell does LePage think he is God all Mighty well he is not and He needs to be Impeached . He and Adrienne Bennett are two peas in a pod and we need them both out of the State Capitol NOW not Later
Uh … Marge, as the headline and tagline should make clear, I made up all that stuff about Stephen King (and most of the rest of this column). Satire and all that.
@Al Daimon
Now you tell us!
Surely there is a flag somewhere I canned fly to show my disgust for your misleading us Mr Smarty Pants
New England Patriots…NY Yankees…Paul LePage.
Why do people love to hate them..
Na na na na na….phhhhttt.
Lol.
Seriously Marge? When you hear or read something, before you get your hackles up, please do a little research to see if it is, in fact, true. Many people are unfairly judged by inflated rumors and comedic satires.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. LePage has never pretended to be anything but what he is, and a majority of the Maine voters elected him. Nobody said you had to like him.
@amanda: Excellent advice! And it should apply to pro-and anti-Lepage forces alike, right?
Snowman,
My comment was directed at Al’s letter and not necessarily our Governor. As to why there is not enough private investment her in Maine; would it not be fair to say the State was a basket before his hand came off the Bible?
about another 2 weeks and the house goes up for sale- can hardly wait….
@J.R. – @Arnold,
Liking Lepage is irelevent. I have often stated that I agreed with some of his ideas before he was elected.
He has shown that he lacks the ability to lead and to get his ideas enacted. He now has rendered himself nearly powerless for the remainder of his term. He may as well go play golf in Florida until his term expires. Or whatever he does for recreation.
That he was elected for a second term by a plurality that closely approached a majority of Maine voters reflects badly on the Maine electorate rather than positively on LePage.
The fallacy of democracy is that the majority is not always right. Just ask the ancient Greeks. ( Or, the modern.)
J. R.- I wish you well, wherever you may land.
No Arnold P. the majority of voters did not vote for him…..61% of us did NOT, and my sticker will stay on my car till he is OUT!!