The other day, I did something I wouldn’t normally do. I bought a bottle of booze in Maine.
Please don’t think less of me. I had no choice.
I usually purchase my liquor in New Hampshire, where it’s almost always cheaper. My order arrives here via an underground railroad operated by a nefarious associate, who gets paid off in cocktails. Such transactions are illegal, immoral and bad for my liver, but I don’t care. The savings are worth it.
Unfortunately, my connection wasn’t due for several days, and I was out of bourbon. In desperation, I went to an agency liquor store and picked up a fifth of cheap hooch that, due to this state’s convoluted alcohol-control policies, cost me four bucks more than the Granite State price. This disparity is unlikely to correct itself in the foreseeable future because of one big problem:
The people who regulate Maine’s liquor industry are blithering idiots.
Rather than trying to match New Hampshire’s prices, the bureaucrats who oversee this state’s spirits business set the cost of a bottle based on a complex formula that appears to have been developed by somebody who was absent from economics class the day the professor explained competition. You could be excused for thinking Maine’s prices relate to the alignment of the stars or an examination of animal entrails, but it’s actually nowhere near that logical.
According to an excellent article by Lewiston Sun Journal reporter Steve (No, I’m Not Related To Susan) Collins, the liquor overlords have determined that recently approved price increases will be based on a formula that relies on random foolishness.
Consider a nip bottle of cheap vodka, for example. This item costs the state 52 cents at wholesale. The standard markup is 89 percent because, well, just because. That brings the price to about 99 cents. Then, for no apparent reason, there’s a three-cent tax on top of that. Now the price is $1.02. “But,” according to Collins, “the pricing policy requires rounding up the bottom line to the next established price point. That brings it to $1.29 as a retail price.”
That would yield a profit of 74 cents, but the State Board of Nonsensical Proclamations of Weirdness has decreed that every bottle sold earn at least 75 cents. In a rational world, that would mean the nip would sell for $1.30, but as you may be starting to suspect, the liquor business bears no relationship to the rational world.
According to Collins, the little bottle can’t be sold in Maine for $1.30 because that’s not “an allowable price point.” Allowable by whom? The Intergalactic Commission on Price Points, maybe. But regardless of what entity sets these freakish rules, the next such point is $1.49, so that’s what the nip is priced at. Oh, and there’ll soon be a five-cent deposit on the bottle, too.
It makes sense – if you don’t pay close attention. Or if, as state officials are hoping, you’ve been drinking.
Strangely enough, the most recent version of this perverted pricing policy was only developed after Maine officials became concerned about the lack of growth in profits. The state was selling more booze, but consumers, in search of bargains, were migrating to less profitable brands.
To counteract that trend, a rational liquor purveyor might have cut markups on more expensive items. A less rational entity would raise prices, thereby driving customers to the competition in New Hampshire. To no one’s surprise, Maine officials decided to do the latter. An admittedly questionable analysis by a booze lobbying group found the recently proposed changes would reduce gross sales by $23 million per year, while costing consumers an extra $21 million. If one had an economics degree, one might conclude that this was a fine example of a lose-lose proposition.
Maine is locked into contracts that will keep it in the liquor business for several more years, but now’s the time to prepare to transition to a system in which the marketplace sets prices, and the state collects its share in taxes without further inept meddling.
To do otherwise just encourages people like me to continue subsidizing New Hampshire.
With all the money I saved on booze, I can afford to reply to your emails sent to aldiamon@herniahill.net.
Al, I agree. This is yet another example of government over reach and their inability to get out of the way, but its all about revenue stream right? How else are they going to survive? It’s not by saving you and I money, but by taking more of it.
PS. Is somebody from the Maine State treasury listening? I think Al owes you a lot of money in back taxes with all those years of saving money on booze.
There is an old saying that applies in this case. Maine government is A DOG THAT CAN’T HUNT. This also applies to governments, generally speaking.
Finally Al,you’ve found something I can agree with you on.The math In Augusta just doesn’t add up as usual.
Al,
You got this one right. Free market rules in sales of almost everything. Maine has unsuccessfully attempted to tax its way out of the liberal spending hole we continue to dig and it just isn’t working. Collins now lives in a rhino bubble in the D.C. Swamp. She isn’t likely to survive her next election cycle becaus she betrayed those that voted for her. Maine should be looking to cut taxes and state welfare expenses. New Hampshire which supplies many Mainers with tax reduced liquor, beer and tax free hard goods purchases will continue to prosper at our expense. I don’t belive the brain trust in disgusta will ever figure this out. Have a good summer day out there.
Peter
new feature coming soon to the bulldog: create your own al diamon comments-section comment!
just read al diamon’s latest opinion piece in one of maine’s liberal propagandist rags? does it fill you with strong emotions that you just have to make publicly known? are you, like most red-blooded conservative americans, too busy paying taxes toward the welfare state or putting truck nuts on your bumper to construct a well-thought out response? now you don’t have to do it yourself, just select one of the following pre-formed opinions from a handy drop-down menu and slap that baby right into the comments section of your favorite pinko publication. that’ll teach ’em!
think al’s full of bolshevik beans? (useful for when al criticizes our great governor.) try the following:
“here we go again with this liberal drivel that the [insert publication] is so well known for.”
“why do my ****** comments never get published? censorship, that’s wot!”
“al, you’re full of bolshevik beans.”
think al’s got a couple of good points but is still a marxist hack? (useful for those rare occasions when al reluctantly calls out liberal shenanigans in augusta.)
“can it be true? we actually agree on something? harumph!”
“usually i disapprove of this claptrap, but you actually hit the nail on the head this time.”
“finally, al admits that there are knuckleheads on both sides of the aisle! but more on the dems’…”
think al’s composed a marvelous pulitzer-worthy piece of cutting edge journalism that gets to the bottom of what really ails state politics in maine?
“Ура, товарищ диамон!”
“be right back, i have to drive susan collins to a flag-burning.”
“al, i just realized, we shop at the same dispensary!”
Peter, I agree. Collins betrayed the people who voted for her. If she runs in the primary for Senate I’ll do all I can to get the primary to go for her opponent.
Aw c’mon Bill… She promised to serve us for only 2 terms… She done that and now is no longer serving us.
@ myopic: Thanks for chuckle! So true!
There’s always some “holier than thou” whether or not it’s the govt. or someone else. They tax tobacco to death. But, I’ll bet those who passed that tax bill smoke pot. They probably drink and drive too. Or they might even use some worse drugs. They ought to mind their own business. I make home made wine, even though I don’t like wine. Saves some money and the stupid govt. can’t tax me, either. I don’t make much at a time. Maybe 5 gallons. That won’t last with me for very long, either
You can always choose to not drink. Save you all kinds of money!
To David: I like my booze and won’t apologize, either.
To frumpleton,, you know there’s always some holier than thou beligerant drunk who won’t stop talking about their drinking and attacking those that don’t.
Some people have a very good reason for their opposing views so ,, Why don’t you actually mind “your” own business..
To Beligerant: If it bothers u so much, why don’t u stop reading Al’s stuff?
“You can always choose to not drink. Save you all kinds of money!”
THAT’S the good Liberal approach! Tax the crap out of everything, then tell you how you can “choose” not to engage in something you enjoy! And still find time to spout off about how those evil Righties are taking away your freedoms :) It’s incremental, people…doesn’t happen all at once. You’re just seeing the progressive progression is all.
Hard to believe the same people who wanted less intrusion in their lives 40 years ago (many moved here for just that reason…) now clamor for more and more big gov playing “Daddy”…