Politics & Other Mistakes: Indian love call

6 mins read

Al Diamon
Al Diamon

According to a majority of the residents of School Administrative District 54 in the Skowhegan area, their sports teams are called the “Indians” to honor Native Americans. This form of recognition has elicited a response from Maine’s tribes that might be described as less than enthusiastic. Or hostile. But that hasn’t deterred the local belief that demonstrating appreciation for minority groups by transforming them into fuzzy mascots, caricatured logos and racial stereotypes is a fine idea.

If you’re white.

Consider the marketing potential. Naming your school team the “Mohammedans” is certain to increase attendance at your games, particularly by jihadists. They’ll show up in droves if your uniforms feature cartoons of their religion’s founder. And the stands will be packed every time you play your archrivals from a nearby school, where they’ve renamed their team the “Hebrews.”
Sure, there might be some flack from parents who aren’t Muslim or Jewish because they don’t want their Christian kids wearing uniforms indicating they’re members of some other faith. But hardly any of the good folks in SAD 54 are actual Indians, and nobody objects to them being labeled as such.

Except actual Indians.

Of course, the renaming of school teams requires a certain cultural sensitivity. Ethnic slurs should be avoided – except in good-natured fun, such as chanting mild insults from the stands (“Eat bacon [insert favorite epithet for Jews here]”) or at pep rallies (“Waterboard the [insert favorite epithet for Arabs here]”). There’s no reason to get too politically correct by prohibiting the labeling of African-Americans as “Negroes,” Franco-Americans as “Frogs” or everybody else as “Wogs” (a delightful British term for anybody darker than them). Other useful nicknames (courtesy of a website called the Racial Slur Database) include “Thistle Arse” (Scots), “Weegie” (Norwegians) and “Sprout” (Belgians). And what Canadian could possibly be filled with anything but pride by a hockey team named the “Puckheads”?

This assortment may lead Maine’s Indians to decide they’ve gotten off fairly easily – at least compared to their brothers and sisters who have to put up with the infamous NFL team in Washington, D.C.

Given that Maine is the whitest state in the nation, it’s understandable that we aren’t as adept as residents of more diverse places at avoiding the pitfalls of racism. This explains why we blunder around naming our mascots “Khokhol” (a derogatory term for Ukrainians), “Burglar” (a slur aimed at Bulgarians) or “Gunmaker” (an insulting reference to Columbians). These folks need to cut us some slack. We don’t hate you. How could we? Chances are, we’ve never met one of you. So, we don’t really mean anything nasty when we demean you.

You should get over it. This is our state, and we were here first.

Well … um … except for those Indians.

But they should get over it, too, because, as the citizens of Skowhegan and vicinity have repeatedly noted, we have nothing but the most profound respect for them. In fact, we so admire the Indians that we can’t be dissuaded from naming our teams after them even if they don’t want us to. When it comes to expressing admiration, we’re obviously in a better position than they are to decide what’s most admirable. If we’re not offended, there’s no reason they should be.

Incidentally, did you know the name Skowhegan may have been derived from Abenaki Indian terms meaning “place of the close-minded jerks”?

On May 8, the SAD 54 school board voted by a narrow margin to retain the name “Indians.” Afterwards, supporters of the status quo said that settled the matter once and for all. As Valerie Coulombe, a white board member who opposed making the change, told the Morning Sentinel, “It’s who we are. That’s who we associated with growing up; it’s just part of us.”

If the real Indians didn’t like it, they could go back to India. Or Indiana. Or Native Americana.

As for those Johnny-come-lately interlopers trying to claim the Indians name as their own, how come they never showed up at any games? Or joined the booster club? Or helped out in the concession stands? Because that’s what real Indians do.

In spite of the board vote, the tribes remain resolute. Their opposition to the name isn’t going away. Rather than let this drag on for years, it might be time to consider a compromise. Let’s come up with something that reflects the area’s history without intruding on other people’s heritage.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Central Maine Caucasians.

No?

How about the Fighty Whiteys?

The race is on to send comments to aldiamon@herniahill.net.

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24 Comments

  1. Since the name “Indians” was a mistake to begin with, why not change the name to Aboriginals ?

    Most of the sports teams names make no sense anyway. The MSAD 58 team is the Roadrunners. Why name a team in Western Maine after a bird that is native to a part of the country that is as far removed from Maine as you can get and still be on the continent?

    How about the Beavers? Admirable animal, but also known for moving on land with a slow waddling walk and being a nuisance.

    We could continue to go with the ancient Greek names, preceded by an identifying descriptor; Kingfield Spartans, Skowhegan Trojans.

  2. How about the Crusaders? You know, those causcasian folks who went to the Middle East to wreak more havoc.
    Or the Vikings? Well known (infamous) for their exploits. Now, it’s a trade name for river cruises. Time and point of view are history.
    I’m always enjoying your writing, Mr. Diamon (Is that pronounced de-mon?) If someone chooses “the demons”, I suppose Christians and Pagans alike will object.

  3. A couple of years ago during another episode of this nonsense, I heard an interview with a tribal elder in some western state. The breathless young reporter asked:

    Doesn’t it just sicken you when teams use names and symbols offensive to Native Americans?

    The elder replied:

    What sickens me is when white liberals tell me what’s supposed to offend me.

  4. Even small children know that, if you hurt someone, even if you didn’t mean to, you apologize and stop what you’re doing that hurt them. Why are people in Skowhegan so willing to offend and hurt people by their entrenchment in a mascot name? Unbelievable.

  5. Just so no one confuses Al’s humor with linguistic accuracy:

    1. “Negro” was, when I was growing up (1950s-60s), the preferred term of respect. Martin Luther King used it. (Did it maybe get into Al’s article as an editorial substitute for what is now called “the N-word”?)

    2. The linguistic history of “burglar” has nothing to do with Bulgarians. (See the Oxford English Dictionary, preferably its print version which has a longer account than the online version.)

    3. In picking these two that I notice, I don’t imply that I haven’t missed any.

    But yes, I agree with Al’s general point. All my life I’ve thought it silly for teams that weren’t mostly Indian to be called “Indians” or equivalent.

  6. Everybody knows in order to be socially sensitive and PC you need a hyphen.
    How ’bout “The Skowhegan Hyphenates”.

    E Pluribus Unum?
    BS. We’ve never been this divided since the Civil War…maybe we should use a ” / ” symbol.

  7. Snowman,
    I am amazed the Femi-Nazis haven’t scourged the name Beavers from UMF’s sports programs.
    It’s OK folks- I used a hyphen.

  8. Other ‘Allegedly Offensive’ Team Names That The Left Isn’t Complaining About

    Minnesota Vikings: “I bet there are some Scandinavian football fans out there who don’t appreciate being identified with men who raped, pillaged, and rarely bathed.”

    Cleveland Indians: “The logo portraying a “red” face is obviously racist.” (Poster’s note: compare to logo of Chicago Blackhawks, about which no one is whining.)

    Duke Blue Devils: “Surely there is a group of satanic leaders out there somewhere who are wildly offended by the color blue.”

    Tennessee Titans: “Greece conquered the known world a few thousand years ago, so don’t force their mythology down my throat through sports entertainment.”

    BYU Cougars: “Last time I checked, Provo Utah isn’t famous for middle aged women prowling on young men.”

    U.S. Military Academy Black Knights: “Couldn’t it just be the U.S. Military Academy People Who Lived In The Middle Ages? That way we include the peasants and other classes too.”

    Notre Dame, Fighting Irish: “Oh, so all Irish people are known for is starting bar fights before every game? Discrimination!”

    Tampa Bay Buccaneers: “These were just misunderstood pirates who raided ships in the Caribbean because they weren’t coddled enough as children. We don’t want to hurt their feelings even more!”

    San Diego Padres: “Could you get any more religious with your covert Spanish words for a Catholic priest? I demand separation of church and Major League Baseball!”

    Boston Celtics: “Obviously, this name is an attack on Irish heritage and is only meant to make a profit from assuming all Irish people are associated with leprechauns and shamrocks.”

    New England Patriots: “There is nothing patriotic about the founding fathers and colonists conspiring against the British crown. Don’t they understand that government knows best?”

    Los Angeles Angels: “Again with the religion. If you just want a mascot with wings, pick a bird like everybody else!”

  9. We grew up in Skowhegan..a family of Native Americans..all were in sports and loved our school name..my uncle Ray McLaughlin proceded to run in the 1932 Olympics in LA..came from the SHS Indians..leave the name alone!

  10. Actually, the offensive term for Bulgarians is Buggarers, not Burglars. It’s where we get the terms “buggery” and “buggering”, so think about that before you use those terms and further defame the poor Bulgarian people.

  11. its 2015 time for Native Americans to get their dignity back Skowhegan Area High School needs to stop being racist!

  12. The latest ‘hurt feeling du jour’. One name they can’t argue: ‘American Wussies’. Who won the war on Christmas anyway?

  13. Oh please get over it! I’m so tired of this new movement of “PC” appeasement by Looney Tunes, that it’s beyond sickening…are we to become a “Nation” one nation of bland tasteless country folk that in order to enjoy it’s delicious favor, we have to run to the nearest pantry and pour hot sauce all over it?

    This madness needs to stop! When we tell stories to our children and grandchildren of places we lived or spent any wonderfully special times at, they will not be able to find it or even recognize it. Lakes, schools, places, buildings, geographical features all that are named anything that might even appear to be offensive are under an assault by the “PC loonies.” Our paper maps, history and geography books are becoming obsolete in a matter or years and in some instances, months!

  14. I am not really sure if Native Americans protest such names as much as lawyers who make money from the Natives. Keep the names and let the N.A.s open casinos in this State.

  15. American English Dictionary – racist – adjective – having or showing the belief that a particular race is superior to another.

    I bet that a poll of all people in the Skowhegan area would show that only a tiny minority believe that the high school is being racist. I further bet that nearly all of that minority would assert a different definition of the word, falling back to the mythical Constitutional right not to be offended.

  16. I don’t think it’s the names, as much as it’s the mascots (costumes, logos, cartoon images) that are perceived as demeaning.

    Unlike Vikings, Celts, Greeks et. al. the Native Americans, have yet to achieve a parity with those groups, in economics and society. Does this have a bearing on the issue?

    If this is Okay,( to use names referencing a specific racial group) then why not name teams that reference the the Africans, The Arabs, The Persians, the Chinese, the Japanese, The Central and South American Natives?
    Why not school teams named the Zulus? They are know known for being proud, fierce warriors. The Samurai?
    The Mongols? The Aztecs? The Huns? The Bedouins?

    I can’t think of any teams, anywhere that use those sorts of names. If they do, I would like to know.
    They are not used, because people just wouldn’t. They wouldn’t, because it’s wrong.
    You try naming a team with all lily white kids the Zulus or the Aztecs. See how that goes over.

  17. Bingo…You have answered your own question! The names of teams and their mascots are just that, symbolic…they are a moniker. The teams and their schools as well as the supporters are not giving themselves a name to self-denigrate or insult themsevles. Come on, be realistic, it’s not the teams that are portraying this maddness. It’s self appointed PC loonies and their lobbiest counterparts. Oh boy, if you think our US teams are insulting or offensive, well you really don’t get out much…look up any foreign country (other than ours) sic…and you will find a magnitude of what (especially in this current PC climate) would be considered offensive and outrageous. Look in particular at the fútbol teams of South American, African countries and that of England.

  18. I agree with Al’s point and I enjoy his humor, but his opening statement is in error: “According to a majority of the residents of School Administrative District 54 in the Skowhegan area, their sports teams are called the “Indians” to honor Native Americans.” I was at the public hearing on the matter (and was barred from speaking because I only pay property taxes in MSAD #54, not reside in it). The majority of speakers at the microphone were in favor of retiring the mascot.

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