Franklin Countys First News

Politics & Other Mistakes: Into the inferno

Al Diamon

If there’s a hell for Republicans, it probably looks a lot like Maine’s 1st Congressional District.

Asylum seekers. Transgendered bathrooms. Abortion clinics. Needle-exchange programs. Biased media. Pricey artisanal coffee. Even pricier artisanal beer. And herds of liberal voters.

Stand in Portland’s Monument Square and listen carefully. You can almost hear Satan chuckling. Or maybe that’s Democratic Congresswoman Chellie Pingree. If you’re GOP, it’s the same difference.

Pingree has good reason to chortle. She’s wrapping up her sixth term in the U.S. House of Representatives, and there’s nothing to suggest that with her solid progressive reputation she can’t hold that seat as long as she desires. She’s an ideal fit for the southern part of the state, where all birds fly lopsided because they only have left wings.

Given that situation, it’s no surprise that any Republicans with sharper political instincts than lobster bisque would refuse to subject themselves to the preordained humiliation of being clobbered by Pingree in a landslide. Better to run for a seat on the local sewer district.

Nevertheless, somebody has to be sacrificed to Beelzebub, and lobster bisque has politely declined the honor. So, this time around, the Devil has selected a hapless newcomer named Jay Allen of New Harbor to be cast into the pit of fire and brimstone.

To put the situation in the best possible light, Allen, a family physician and Army vet, starts with a few disadvantages. He’s only lived in Maine since 2016. He has no name recognition and no money. He has no political experience. He doesn’t appear to have any kind of campaign organization. He shaved off his beard shortly after having his campaign photos taken, and it wasn’t an improvement (I may be prejudiced on that one). And, most importantly, his ideology is distinctly at odds with those of the vast majority of his potential constituents.

In a story in the Lincoln County News (the only publicity the would-be congressman has thus far managed to generate), Allen said he was inspired to run in order to counter “all the socialists in Congress and all the socialists in the Democratic primary.”

Allen skews heavily toward libertarianism. He’s against virtually all government spending, except for the military (his two decades-plus in uniform convinced him the armed services are understaffed). He wants to cut taxes (“every dollar they take is a little piece of your freedom”). He wants the private sector or maybe the states to handle health care. And if he’s concerned about climate change, he somehow forgot to make any mention of that on his website.

Allen is less reticent when addressing gun control. He’s against it (“the real purpose of the second amendment is to protect Americans from our own government”). A careful search of his Facebook page reveals he’s also opposed to abortion and requiring children to be vaccinated before attending school.

Oddly enough for a Republican, Allen has virtually nothing to say about President Trump. While all three GOP candidates for the 2nd District seat have been effusive in their praise of just about everything the Big Orange Loogie has ever done, Allen’s only reference to Putin’s best bud is a Facebook mention that he’d be attending a local pro-Trump rally.

To no one’s surprise, Pingree has ignored Allen, except to mention in a fundraising email that she now had “an opponent” and so her need for donations was urgent. Given the many daunting obstacles Allen faces in making this a competitive race, that seems unlikely.

But Lucifer in his malevolence has condemned him in 2020 to run through the fiery Republican hell that is the 1st District.

Top campaign purchasing priority: fireproof boxer shorts.

Like a phoenix rising from the flames (I can’t imagine why that simile came to mind), I’m burning with desire to read your comments emailed to

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3 Responses »

  1. I will be connecting my country Sheriff in the 2nd District encouraging him to support making Maines Entire 2nd District a 2nd Amendment Sanctuary District. County By County..

    Thanks to Portland for the whole idea that you can thumb your noses to federal law and hide/protect Illegal Aliens against the feds.

    We will use that logic and Proactively ensure that the 2nd district of Maine is a safe sanctuary for all legal gun owners
    We won't let any progressive federal kooks take our guns no matter what laws they pass to confiscate them..
    You will be safe with us in the 2nd District of Maine!!

    If we enact this Sanctuary for the 2nd Amendment,, it won't be long until we would more residents that the ultra liberal 1st District,,

    Time to go hunting.

  2. Let's push for that sanctuary!

    There is nothing jokey, pithy or witty about describing how your state and nation are, honestly, being destroyed from within. Your kids are going to have a much lower quality life than we did because of what you've done, and continue to do, while you dance around laughing about it. I know you'll just cry 'racist', but it's not about race, it's about culture and rule of law - having a COHESIVE SOCIETY. THAT'S out the window. You can always open a 'knife collection box' I suppose; signal some virtue, have some more 'feelz' for yourself.

    Enjoy the 'nice place to raise a family,' safest state label, because Maine's status in that regard will be gone soon, and the 'love love love' mentality the Libs enjoy playing with it going to turn into one h3ll of a nightmare, just like in all the other Lib cities. It's going to be fun watching those Portland Libs pay the price for what they supported, just like in CA!

    Your kids are going to blame you.

  3. Pretty goo reading AL, until you mentioned Putin. I would think he would be a favorite of your's seeing you lean communist.